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Here we have compiled some dog jokes to keep you howling! We hope you enjoy them! And if you have an amusing story you would like to share with everyone, please feel free to use our convenient online form to submit your own funny dog story.
Seeing Eye Dog
Two friends are out walking their dogs - one has a doberman pincher and one has a chihuahua - and the guy with the doberman pincher says to the one with the chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant/bar and get something to eat".
His friend protests, "We can't go in there - we've got our dogs with us!"
But the first one winks and says to him, "Just follow my lead".
So they walk over to the restaurant and the guy with the doberman puts on a pair of dark sunglasses and starts to walk in. The bouncer says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed".
The guy with the doberman says, "But sir, this is my seeing-eye dog".
The bouncer says, "A doberman pincher?" And the man replies, "Yes, they're using them now ... this breed is actually very well suited to the work." So the bouncer says, "Ok, come on in."
So the guy with the chihuahua figures, what the heck, puts on his sunglasses and starts to walk in too. But the bouncer stops him and again says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
And following his friend's lead he says, "But sir, this is my seeing-eye dog".
The bouncer says in disbelief, "A chihuahua?
And the man, pretending to be shocked, answers," You mean they gave me a chihuahua??"
Does Your Dog Own You?
To find out if you own your dog or if your dog owns you, see how many of these statements apply to you and your dog ... If more than half of them are true, then your dog owns you!!
- You believe every dog is a lap dog.
- If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.
- You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.
- You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.
- You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.
- You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.
- No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).
- You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.
- You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.
- You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood and you know their names.
- You let the neighbor dog sleep over.
- You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.
- Your vet and grooming bills exceed your rent.
- When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.
- You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.
- You talk to your dog when you are driving and he answers.
- Your dog taught you to fetch and roll over.
So?? Who owns who in your household??
How to Photograph Your Puppy
- Remove film from box and load camera.
- Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
- Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
- Choose a suitable background for photo.
- Mount camera on tripod, check flash and focus.
- Find puppy and remove dirty sock from mouth.
- Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
- Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
- Focus with one hand while fending off puppy with other hand.
- Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
- Put cat outside and put peroxide on scratch on puppy's nose.
- Put magazines back on coffee table.
- Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
- Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
- Jump up, grab puppy by scruff of neck and say 'No, NO - outside!'
- Call spouse to help clean up the mess.
- Fix a drink.
- Sit back in chair, put your feet up, sip your drink and resolve to teach puppy sit and stay first thing in the morning.
Top Ten Signs Your Dog Is More Intelligent Than You
- 10. Neighbors complain about loud music and howling coming from your apartment in the middle of the day
- 9. You find mysterious sculpture of a human (who looks strikingly like you) on a leash in your living room
- 8. Ice floating in toilet water
- 7. Neighborhood cats bring dog treats to your doorstep
- 6. Friends swear they've seen your car at the local meat-processing plant
- 5. You can never find the leftovers
- 4. The remote is covered in slobber and the TV is on The Nature Channel
- 3. The dog doesn't lick itself anymore ... now it's the cat's job
- 2. Mensa mailings addressed to Rover
- 1. Your apartment keys no longer work
View more Funny Stories submitted by our visitors!
Questions? E-Mail us for
Chihuahua Dream
Dave & Claudia Soto
3630 Kettman Road
San Jose, CA 95121
Phone: 408-532-6094
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